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Is Hookup Culture Ruining Your Soul?
It’s been two years since my now-ex told me she was leaving us. “If I needed to consider the whole of our history together — every moment, every conversation, every loss and every gain — I’d come to the conclusion that a physical relationship was a lousy idea,” she wrote.
No, I’m not about to get into another OMG casual sex is the end of the world, or that sex is gross/a lifestyle choice, or the works, here. Rather, casual sex has not only been legitimized in recent years, but veritably been made the social standard, a change that has taken decades. That doesn’t mean that it’s always super healthy.
The ubiquity of porn, media examples, and above all, the swiping model of dating apps have all contributed to a society where hookup culture can be the default — “If having sex was once taboo, not having it is today,” says Washington Post columnist Christine Emba in her book Rethinking Sex: A Provocation. This pressure to hook up can lead to having — and even seeking out — sex when you don’t really, genuinely want it.
But that isn’t to say that casual sex is itself a problem — approached properly, if anything, it can be and is empowering, liberating, and most importantly, pleasurable. The key is knowing that you’re in it because you want to be (pun not intended), and you’re aware of and prepared against potential consequences, like catching something (be it feelings or STDs). So long as that’s true, you should go forth and get laid.
The dedicated hookup app is the horny person’s vessel for hot instant gratification. But the cool thing is that most dating apps can be used for sex purposes these days. Where you decide to go to find your casual fling really just depends on how much you’d like to know about the person in your bed. The butterflies of meeting someone new are still there — they just might be happening in a different region of the body.
Is casual sex bad for you? Is Hookup Culture Ruining Your Soul?
It’s been two years since my now-ex told me she was leaving us. “If I needed to consider the whole of our history together — every moment, every conversation, every loss and every gain — I’d come to the conclusion that a physical relationship
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On one hand, the answer is no. A new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that partners who engaged in casual sex after their first monogamous marriage were just as satisfied — and healthier — in their personal relationships. In fact, people who had casual sex were 20% less likely to become divorced. Their partners were also less likely to be cheating on them. So the casual sex relationship can, in some cases, be a more satisfying and healthier one.
However, there are other studies that show that casual sex can have a negative effect on a relationship. So before you go slamming those back-alley encounters, the truth is that it really depends on each individual.
What are some risks of casual sex?
On one hand, casual sex can be far less committed than your traditional first date where all the emotional shit is already out in the open. So if your “hookup” becomes “relationship,” you may have to modify how you act, or worse, inadvertently become a step parent. There’s also the fact that when you have sex with someone new, you tend to keep it light. So if you decide to keep seeing that person long-term, there’s a chance that you might take your insecurities out on your partner. Even if you ultimately decide that having casual sex isn’t for you, try to make sure you’re ready for a new relationship — you don’t want to become attached to someone, only to be dumped.
Konstantin von Zuben used his smartphone to find a casual sex partner on the streets of Moscow. He wanted to find out more about the alternative. We talked with him.
I spoke to Konstantin von Zuben, a young engineer, while he was on the hunt for his first sexual experience. He’d been travelling around Russia as an exchange student. Inspired by the Olympic Games, he decided to stay in Moscow for a few more weeks. There are many young people in the country, just like him.
As is common in Russia, the age of consent is fifteen, which is why Konstantin decided to try to have casual sex. He used the online hookup app Isayap.net.
After a few hours, he found a girl and invited her back to his flat. The moment he entered the room, the shock hit him: “I started to blush, and I felt like I was going to get a bad flu afterwards!”, says Konstantin. In many ways
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