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What to know before hooking up
The first thing to know is how to consent — meaning that you’re not doing anything illegal and you actually want to be doing it. “Everybody’s telling you how to have sex but nobody’s telling you when or how to consent,” says Sharol. If you’ve ever gotten a gentle brush off for being too forward, you may have been dismissed from sex. “Nobody’s going to want to take the blame if something is too much — they’re all like ‘Oh, well, that’s what you wanted,'” adds Sharol. Being assertive while asking for what you want, and taking it if the offer is granted, is a good way to turn a casual hookup into the real thing, without making anyone feel less than.
As for whether or not casual sex is “good” for you, well, that depends on what kind of casual sex you have and who it is with. Some people who have entered and exited casual sex want to stay true to the sexual revolution — to have whatever they want, whenever they want it, without fear of judgement from family or partners. But others like to have consistent expectations with all their partners — and this often doesn’t come out of casual hookups. “It’s obviously more complicated than that,” says Sharol.
When to stop hooking up
Okay, this one is a bit more difficult because, as the folks at MTV’s “Shine” taught us, casual sex isn’t a goal by itself. “In general, it’s a way to get you to want the real thing,” says Sharol. But if you’re looking for a long-term relationship instead, your casual hookups should be sporadic and short-lived. If you’re having difficulty maintaining intimacy, you might want to have a conversation with your partner about the possibility of sexual boundaries you can set for yourself and your partner.
If your casual hookup leads to a real relationship, then you have the upper hand. If the hookup, however, isn’t leading to anything, then you’re just delving into something that’s good for you, but not for your own sexual interests. “Do what feels right for you, but don’t do it if you’re not getting what you want,” says Sharol. It’s important to have a clear idea of what you want before you enter into a casual hookup because it’s hard to know if you’re making the right move if it’s too soon.
The steps to casual sex
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There is growing evidence that casual sex can have health benefits. Source: Pornhub About two-thirds of Americans are having casual sex according to a 2016 PEW poll. The percentage who reported having had casual sex was up from 58% in 2002. And one in 10 Americans said they’d had casual sex in the last year.
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