It can be easy for us to forget that our minds are hardwired to love and be loved. Whether we do or don’t love ourselves, we tend to obsess over what others think of us. Remember a time when you were just hanging out with friends, talking about a totally random thing, and all of the sudden, you started getting totally caught up in their conversation and you couldn’t stop yourself from laying out all the details of what you were thinking and feeling? That happened because you were born with an innate, pre-wired desire to be loved.
The same thing happens when you’re talking to a person. You start to obsess about what that person thinks of you—about what you’re wearing, what your hair looks like, your physical attractiveness, your age—and you become, consciously or subconsciously, the kind of person that person wants. Even if you don’t want to be that person, you might become that person because it’s your default setting and because it comes from inside you. At this point, I know what you’re thinking: I’m about to start talking about some crazy cult, but hear me out.
Happily ever after is a lie. It doesn’t exist. There’s no such thing. Everyone has flaws, but everyone also has needs, wants, and desires. Even if you are having a really good time dating someone, chances are you’re still obsessing about yourself. You’re still thinking about all the things you need to do to make yourself more attractive. You’re thinking about how to make your situation better, whether that be by finding a job that will pay you more, joining a gym, or maybe just being nicer. You’re looking in the mirror and thinking about how to change things about yourself: your hair, your weight, your teeth—you’re fixated on all the ways that you need to be improved. It’s no secret, and it’s not some new-age, hippie idea.
Now, if you’re the kind of person who feels the need to take care of yourself for the sake of yourself, then you’re fine—but if you’re someone who’s struggling to date and you want to start dating again, you should start thinking about yourself less and start thinking about what you need from a person. You have to ask yourself: Am I happy with where I’m at? Why can’t I date the way that I was at the age of 20? At 21? At 22?
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The general idea behind dating is that there should be a good match. If there is, you’ll feel comfortable with the guy or girl.
Although there’s some truth in that—expecting to have a better conversation, for instance—there’s also some truth to the theory that a perfect guy or girl is out there waiting for you.
The No. 1 Mistake You Can Make When You Go On A First Date, According To Science
The first date isn’t just about finding someone you like. It’s about developing a relationship.
But the question is, what is so great about developing a relationship?
The reality is, it’s a way to feel validated, to be celebrated, and most importantly, to know if this person will be a good match.
Now, the good news is, you don’t need to wait until you meet the one. You can have a good time on your own, make connections with people, and ultimately decide for yourself if you’re comfortable with someone—all before your first date.
But you have to put yourself out there, in the hopes that it’s going to work.
Scroll down to see the 10 best first-date tips to get you on your way to finding love.
1. Do Your Research On The Person.
Before you go on a date, you need to know what to expect. Is your date good at math? Can he paint a straight line? Do you share the same sense of humor?
Dating, of course, is about getting to know someone better. So, if it’s a first date, your goal is to find out as much about the person as you can.
But you can’t just ask. You need to show an interest in the person. For example, if you ask a person what he or she likes, put that question on the table.
Even better, do a little research on the person. Show interest in what he or she is interested in—like her friends and the places she likes to shop.
It’s ok to be nosy. But keep it fun. Your goal is to not make her feel uncomfortable. You need to make her feel like you’re genuine, not that you’re trying to creep her out.
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